I must! And I will! Travel.

The good life.. coffee, beach, serenity!
(Juara Beach, Pulao Tioman, Malaysia)

I’ve been on my dream (well, almost!) vacation since the past two months (well, again, almost!). I quit my job of five and a half years to take time out and travel. I took the plunge and I haven’t looked back ever since. And it’s been every bit as fabulous as I thought it would be, and sometimes in the most unexpected of fashions.

A few years back, when I was drifting a bit at my job, my editor had asked me “What do you really want to do?” I thought for a micro-second, and answered: Travel and get paid for it! His answer: I want to lie on a chair in Hawaii and smoke a cigar. When you have something more serious in mind, let me know.

I never went back with a “serious” answer.

Around three years later, when the plunge towards self-discovery has been taken, a few wonderful trips made, and “serious” thought to my ultimate goal in life paid, I finally have a serious answer: Travel and get paid for it! I kid you not. 

The end of the world? It did seem like it! (South China Sea)

I realize that I am not the only one with this dream. In fact, over night-long drinking sessions, coffee meets and telephone conversations this very same sentiment has been voiced countless numbers of times by too many people that it may form a sizeable chunk of the employed and even a part of the unemployed populace. But the difference between them and me is that I now know that THIS is IT! My life’s goal. It’s not a whimsical wish. Not a dream. Not an item on my bucket list. Travelling is what I was born to do. I don’t care how I travel, where I travel, when I travel, with whom I travel... as long as I am travelling. Well, don’t get me wrong... travelling does not mean continuously be on the road...I like a relaxing sojourn every now and then and DO NOT want to be zipping across the globe without experiencing anything at all (my recent trip to Malaysia made me realize that this, too, is possible! But more of that in another post.).

I know I must visit new places. I must meet a lot of different people. I must be constantly amazed. I must walk around

The coffee lady who taught me how to
make this beautiful paper star!
(Milan, Italy)

ruins and imagine the most fantastical stories that happened there and people who must have lived there aeons ago and then drift off into thinking I was one of them. I must change my mind in the middle of a trip and end up at a place I hadn’t even heard about. I must savour each and every delectable taste that this world of mine has to offer. I must know the history of these fabulous places not by reading about them or drooling over pictures others have taken, but by sitting and listening—fascinated, open-mouthed, and wide-eyed—to a person who was a stranger just 10 minutes ago right there on ground zero! I must bombard random people with my questions, sometimes with the danger of getting thrown out (more of that later, again!). 

Falling in love with a roving musician? (Venice)

I must fall in love over a riverbank or the edge of our books. I must have my heart broken when I leave, only to smile again because of that guy in the next table at the café the very next day. I must live in the moment and breathe in all the air at all the places in this world, dig my bare feet into the wet sand as the water splashes against my entire body and the waves pull me towards the vast ocean. I must relish in that panic when

Spin on a bull's testicles for good luck! (Milan)

I’m just about to give in to my urges to let go and sink, especially when I don’t know how to swim, or hang over the edge of the mountain, and slightly make a tilt in favour of gravity, when I know not how to fly...well, physically, at least. I must be alive when I know that every atom in my body is dancing to the rhythm of the world that is not just the one around me, but the core that moves this entity we call the universe. I must make friends with the stars (the celestial kind!). I must break into a dance when I feel the rhythm that just makes me want to dance (okay, so I do that already. But not always! I swear!). I must see, live, experience, everyone and everything and everywhere! I must. And I will!

I know it! I don’t know how. But I know it!

Days when working in a cargo ship and travelling across the seven seas was an economic option are not around anymore. I know. I checked. A year back, desperate to do anything to set sail, quite literally, I checked with some cargo ship companies, and turned out, if I wanted to travel with them, a trip from a Mumbai port to an African port would cost me more than INR 12 lakh! And this was over and beyond the work I was expected to do on deck! Oh, how I ached for simpler and wallet-friendlier times.

Among other, more sane options, get a corporate job that pays a LOT of money; invent a muggle-version of the floo network; become the secretary of some super high-falutin’ CEO; do super yoga and perfect out-of-body travelling; get married to uber rich guy; fall in love with a wandering musician has also been suggested!; become a flight attendant; turn back time, not bunk classes, study real hard, become smart, do research and go to conferences; better yet, invent time machine!; transmogrify into an aeroplane; ooooh, become pilot and fly planes!; swap places with S’ dad; kill only friend who is living this dream, get full-body plastic surgery and take over her life! *evil genius laughter in the background, accompanied with thunder and lightning* 

It's okay to stand alone when you know why you're where you are! (Milan)

There is the more obvious option of travel writing. Yes, for all those who’re thinking, finally she’s come down to it, well, I can say one thing: it ain’t easy! No, ironically it’s not that there isn’t enough work. Surprisingly, there is a lot of work. Alas, the past month and a half has made me realize that I have no discipline. Ahem! Yes, I’m admitting to it! I haven’t been able to sit ONE day to write out ONE piece about the places I’ve been to. Just because I have had no one to crack the whip on me. Sad. Very sad. But there it is. I can churn out a piece in 20 mins once the panic button’s been hit, but tell me to work at my own pace, and there will be no work at all!

Anyways, many deliberations and debates and furious conversations with myself later, I have not, yet, hit upon an answer. But as I said, I will travel. I will make it work for me. I might not know how, but I will figure it out!

Wish me luck! I’m going to make my dream happen! I’ll leave inter-galactic travelling for the next life, for now, or, maybe not! :-)

Endless possibilities. (Photo courtesy: Sharmistha Deb)

The Indian BRO Code!

So, you really thought that the Bro Code was the brainchild of the evil genius that is Barney Stinson?

Hah!

If you haven’t been zipping (read slowly and carefully driving) across those narrow, but awesomely laid out Indian border roads, then not only have you been missing out on some breathtaking scenery, but you’ve also haven’t had the extreme pleasure of being privy to the uber-funny, completely authentic, Indian BRO Code!

BRO, my dear sisters and their cousins (why cousins? you ask. Well that’s because the Bro Code says: If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time: A. Was an ex-girlfriend; B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her; C. Is your buddy’s sister (However, if it’s your buddy’s cousin, well she’s up for grabs, and you’re welcome to rub it in his face for years to come) and I choose option C! Hee hee), in the Indian context, is short for Border Roads Organization. These are the people who, along with other organizations such as Himank in Ladakh and Setuk in the North East, build roads where mere mortals otherwise fear to tread.

And altitude obviously does a lot of good for the funny bone, because other than the usual tragi-comedy that our bureaucracy makes us live through every day, the Indian BROs rely on their, and our, sense of humour to save lives (oh yes, the whole “Speed thrills but kills” type of one-liners are soooo blah!) So, if you’re driving through the towering Himalayas, the chilling breeze blowing through your hair, nature’s finest offering laid out all around you, it’s very easy to miss out on those boring, good-for-you signages that tell you to temper your speed or keep your eyes on the road. But when that sexy, curvy, sensuous road tells you to be gentle... you sit up and notice! After all, which man can be impervious to a plea that says: I AM CURVACEOUS, PLEASE BE GENTLE. Or the sensuous whisper of that yellow slab of stone from across the road softly and sans serif-ly saying: BE SOFT ON MY CURVES. And if that didn’t have enough oomph, maybe you’d comply to this request: Be gentle on my curves. You prefer some soft music to set the mood? Big BRO knows—CURVES ARE BLIND AND SHARP, DRIVE YOUR VEHICLE LIKE PLAYING THE HARP. Doesn’t that get your...ummm....mind(?)...singing? :-P And for a long-lasting performance, it’s always good to: On my curves, check your nerves.

Heck, sometimes it takes a while to get on the same bed...oops... page as them, after all, if someone tells you: DARLING, I LIKE YOU, BUT NOT SO FAST, you’re hardly ever likely to believe ‘em! But then, Peep peep, don’t sleep, is pretty sound advice no matter where you are or who you’re with, correct? But it’s not all about the men. Female drivers might appreciate signs such as: Clean and tall, liked by all and Himank—Mighty One, Eighty One.

And not to worry, if you think this code from the Land of the Kamasutra is only about raunchiness, you couldn’t be more wrong. These BROs have a spiritual angle to things as well—Love thy neighbour, but not while driving—is a fair representative of the Ten Commandments methinks, and even the fallen angel’s territory has proper representation too: Drive like hell, and you will be there. Won’t Yamraj love such publicity!

Modern-day problems don’t escape the notice of these brilliant brothers of mine. So, with divorce rates going up with every passing day, the Indian BRO Code does its bit to add to the numbers with this piece of advice: If married, divorce speed. But if you’re a family man, the next line is definitely for you: Alert driving on the road, fetches you tea at home.

In fact, the BROs know my clinomaniac generation really well. Why else would they say: If you sleep, your family will weep? My parents wholly sympathized with this particular road sign! Sigh! I, on the other hand, was rather kicked by their version of a haiku:

A spill,

a slip,

a hospital trip.

Pretty neat, don’t ya think? (This next one goes: TRAFFIC JAM. YELLOW TAPE. PARENT CRYING. Profound!)

So, well, here I was the year before last, all kicked and excited about this “new” discovery, when I was speaking to this guy about my experiences in Ladakh, and how “I had found” all these funny road signs and was thinking of compiling them and doing a story on them. The guy I was speaking to, as he whipped out his card to inform me, was Ajay Jain of Kunzum.com! For those who don’t know him, click on the link, and for those who do, well, you now know why the encounter made it to No. 13 of my list of “Million-dollar moments of my life”.

But then, I wanted to write about it all the same, and I did... two years later! And that’s what you kind souls have been reading. But that’s not enough...you need to see these beauts for yourself. So, Don’t be a gama, in the land of lamas, and get out there and appreciate the funnier aspects of those beautiful, long drives. I’ll see you on the road. It’s going to be legen...wait for it...dary!

For the moment, here are some more gems to keep you entertained:

-- Don’t gossip, let him drive. (yes, yes, they’re a tad bit sexist too! Hmph!)

-- I am sharp as a knife. It’s a cute life.

-- Life is short, don’t make it shorter.

-- Speed is like a knife, it cuts through life.

-- Daydreaming is good, but not while driving.

-- Ladakh gives a lot of pleasure, but only if enjoyed at leisure.

-- Gadi chalaane ka showk farmaaiiye, shoke nahin.

-- Know AIDS, no AIDS.

-- Lower your gear, curve is near.

-- This is a highway, not a runway.

-- Mountains are a lot of pleasure, but only if you drive at leisure.

-- After whisky, driving is risky.

-- Be Mr Late, not Late Mr.

-- Drink and drive, you won’t survive.

-- Alert today, alive tomorrow.

-- Drive on horse power, not rum power.

And last, but not the least: BRO: We can make roads anywhere but the sky.

I hear ya Brother!!!